If you were in the final days of a nasty Terminal Cancer Trial, how would you say goodbye to your loved ones and friends? What advice would you try to impart upon them as you prepare to depart this world? Would you write a letter to each one of your loved ones and closest friends with your final thoughts? Since we are currently living in the digital age, would you develop a Tik Tok, Facebook or Twitter video or message to say goodbye? Perhaps you would plan to have someone you trust post a written message posthumously on these same digital platforms? There are certainly many other options, platforms, and ways to deliver such a message, but I am raising this question to ask those who are reading this blog post to see if you think you would take the time to formally say goodbye or to impart some knowledge you gained because of your cancer trial? If not, would you stay silent and not say anything at all?
In my role as ministry coordinator for the Cancer Support Group (“CSG”) at the church I attend, I have had the humbling privilege of ministering to hundreds of individuals with cancer since 2007. In my experience over the past 14 years, I have observed that most people with terminal cancer do not take the time to say goodbye or to deliver any lessons learned from their terminal cancer trial. Perhaps there are private letters written that I never see or hear about? However, if such letters/emails/texts/videos were written or sent to their immediate family members, it is reasonable for me to assume that I would occasionally be shown said documents from time-to-time, especially from those individuals and/or families I am particularly close with. For example, I was asked several years ago to deliver the eulogy at an informal memorial picnic for a man who attended our CSG group. When I spoke to family about what they wanted me to say at his funeral service, I concluded that the deceased man did not write any final letters, texts or messages saying goodbye.
There is certainly nothing wrong with a terminal cancer patient staying silent in the final days of their terminal cancer trial. However, we are in the social media era where so many people post about everything going on in their lives. Since so many in our world are not shy when it comes to expressing their personal thoughts on social media, I find it interesting that more people who have terminal cancer do not take the time to post a final “goodbye” message.
When such a message is occasionally posted on social media, the post will often go viral, especially if it is viewed as being inspiring by those who read it. I have seen one example of an inspiring viral “final goodbye” message shared on Facebook many times over the past month (July 2021) and it was this message which prompted me to write this blog post. The viral message was written by a 27-year-old woman from Australia named Holly Butcher, who was first diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma (one of the rarest forms of cancer that severely affects the bones) on October 31, 2016. Fourteen months later, She posted the following advice to the world on Facebook on January 2, 2018, twenty-four hours before she died on January 3, 2018.
A bit of life advice from Hol:
“It’s a strange thing to realize and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.
That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.
I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.
I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to its inevitability. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bulls**t.
I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course, it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!
1) Those times you are whining about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively affect other people’s days.
2) Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.
3) You might have got caught in bad traffic today or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.
Let all that s**t go. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.
4) I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.
I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.
5) Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional, and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realize just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling s**t about yourself. Friend or not. Be ruthless for your own well-being.
6) Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.
7) Whine less, people! .. And help each other more.
Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.
9) It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.
Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewelry for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.
10) Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are s**t at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.
11) This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves. Strange! It might seem lame, but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.
12) Use your money on experiences. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material s**t.
13) Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.
14) Get amongst nature.
15) Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.
Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and makeup each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females
.
16) Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colors the sun makes as it rises.
17) Listen to music. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.
18) Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.
19) Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?
20) Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.
21) Work to live, don’t live to work.
Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.
22) Eat the cake. Zero guilt.
23) Say no to things you really don’t want to do.
24) Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.
25) Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.
26) Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time, but it couldn’t be more true.
Anyway, that’s just this one young gal’s life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!
Oh, and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have, and the process really is so simple.
Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.
..’til we meet again.
Hol
Xoxo”
Here we are 3.5 years after her final social media message and her Facebook post is still being shared by many as evidenced by what I have viewed on social media over the past month. Her viral message, which I read has now been viewed by millions of people, has obviously resonated with those who have read it. It contains a lot of excellent advice. When you write such an inspiring message which goes viral, the media will often write an article about you. Here is one such article written about Holly as follows (Source is ABCNew.com on January 11, 2018):
Australian woman who died after battling rare cancer had penned inspirational viral letter: 'Each day is a gift'.
Holly Butcher, who was battling Ewing’s sarcoma, wrote: "Each day is a gift."
By - JOI-MARIE MCKENZIE
January 11, 2018, 5:10 PM
-- A 27-year-old Australian woman who lost her battle with a rare form of cancer had asked her family to share the last letter she wrote on her deathbed.
Holly Butcher's last words soon went viral on Facebook after being posted on January 3, one day before she passed away, with more than 131,000 people sharing it on the social network.
Butcher, who resided in Grafton in New South Wales, Australia, began her lengthy note by saying that she planned to write "a bit of life advice."
"It’s a strange thing to realize and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore," she started. "The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; until the unexpected happens."
Continuing, she wrote, "That’s the thing about life. It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands."
Butcher then encouraged her family and friends to stop whining "about ridiculous things."
"Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it," she suggested. "It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively affect other people’s days."
Butcher also advised that people don't "obsess" over their bodies and what they eat.
"I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go," she wrote. "It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole."
After advising her family and friends to use their money "on experiences" instead of presents, Butcher closed her letter by encouraging them to give back.
"Oh, and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood," she wrote. "It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives."
Butcher then closed by writing: "‘til we meet again."
Butcher's older brother Dean Butcher said he's proud that his sister's message has resonated with so many around the world.
"I would say Holly’s words have made our family immensely proud," he told ABC News.
"In her final weeks," Dean Butcher, 30, continued, "I sat at Holly’s bedside and asked her if she had any big picture dreams that she wanted me to work towards on her behalf. She happily replied, ‘No. I was going to live a simple life. I didn’t have big plans, I just wanted to live happily.’"
Dean Butcher added that "it is therefore incredibly ironic that a woman content with life’s simplicities ... has had such a huge impact."
"She left us with a powerful message that has resonated with people from all walks of life and from countries across the world. That will always be her legacy," her older brother noted.
There are four observations I would like to make about her final Facebook post. First of all, she provides a lot of excellent advice to those who take the time to her thought-provoking recommendations. We can all learn something from what she said in the preceding post. I loved how she encouraged her readers to serve one another, to not covet money and to focus on relationships. Not only is this sage advice but it is also biblical. For example, when considering her advice on not coveting money, 1 Timothy 6:10 tells us:
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs”
Secondly, she is extremely honest in discussing her own mortality in her final Facebook post. For example, at the beginning of her letter, she says the following:
“I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to its inevitability. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us. That’s been a bit tough.”
Like Holly, I have said many times in my blog posts over the years how death is a taboo topic and how people are either ignorant about it or unwilling to admit to its inevitability. I will have to admit that she was able to articulate this perspective that death is a taboo topic more effectively than I was ever able to articulate it. I find it particularly interesting that a 27-year-old woman would have this type of mature perspective. So many of the people I minister to are unwilling or unable to face their own mortality and end up traveling the world in search of a cure for their cancer rather than face their own mortality head on. Holly did not shy away from the fact that she knew she was terminal and that she had limited time to consider her own mortality. For people who have terminal cancer like Holly, why don’t more of them take the time to write a goodbye post like the one which Holly wrote? I believe Holly is spot on when she said people are either ignorant about it (death) or unwilling to admit to its inevitability. Not only are they ignorant about death and its inevitability, they also do not know how to respond to it because, as Holly also indicated, it is such a taboo topic to discuss. Because death and the implications of it are so rarely discussed in our society, people feel helpless and unprepared when facing a terminal cancer diagnosis. As a result, a natural human response is to ignore the terminal prognosis and hope for the best. When you have no plan on how to conquer death, most people with terminal cancer become silent as they just do not know how to respond to the biggest trial of their lives. Holly’s post was an exception because she chose to not remain silent like so many others with similar terminal cancer circumstances. As a result, her outspokenness along with some excellent writing skills and a young, vivacious personality are the primary reasons her post went viral.
Thirdly, her advice is somewhat conflicting when it comes to the topic of “control”. At the beginning of her letter, she says that control of her life is out of her hands:
“I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.”
However, she provides a different perspective on control in her 26th point where she says:
“Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change”
What concerns me most about her 26th point is her suggestion that “YOU do have the power to change it”. The focus here is on YOU and how she suggests that YOU have the power to change what needs to be changed in YOUR life. I am sure her cancer was making her life miserable so why does she feel we have the power to change “whatever it may be” when she could not change her cancer circumstances. If you read her post carefully, you can also sense that she is extremely frustrated, angry, and resentful about not being in control of her life. Her comment, “I want it so bad it hurts”, stood out to me like a red flag and illustrates the complete helplessness she felt as she wrote her final Facebook post. She also talks about fearing death but offers no solution to how death can be conquered. Unlike her 26th point where she says YOU can control “whatever it may be”, the bible tells us a completely different story about “control”. The bible tells us that God is sovereign and in control of all things including every one of our cancer trials and “whatever it may be”. Proverbs 19:21 tells us:
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Every cancer patient I have ever ministered to will have to decide WHO is ultimately in control of their cancer trial. In other words, cancer patients will need to decide if they or the medical professionals are in control of their ultimate cancer trial destiny or is God in control of it. Ultimately, they will need to decide if they can trust in God and His plan for their lives no matter the outcome of their cancer trial. This decision will eventually have eternal consequences, so it is a BIG decision.
If you want an example of a biblical perspective on the topic of Control, you have to go no further than USA Olympic track athlete, Sydney McLaughlin, who won gold in the 400 meter hurdles in Tokyo this week. She set a world record in winning her gold medal and is now the only woman in history to run under 52 seconds in this women's event. Here is what Sydney had to say about her victory:
"Records come and go, the glory of God is eternal. And I no longer run for self-recognition but to reflect his perfect will which is already set in stone. I don't deserve anything. But by grace through faith, Jesus has given me everything" (Sydney McLaughlin, USA Women's Track and Field, July 2021)
Wow, Sydney is taking no personal credit for her gold medal victory but gives all the glory to Christ. Colossians 3:17 tells us:
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Fourthly and finally, it is not what Holly said in her Facebook post but what she did NOT say that stood out to me the most. She openly talks about her own mortality but does not speak to the eternal implications of it. In #5 on her list, Holly mentions working just as hard on finding your mental, emotional, and spiritual happiness too. Since it is a rather vague statement, I do not really know what type of spiritual happiness she is referring to. If a cancer patient can acknowledge their own mortality, one of the greatest blessings of a terminal cancer trial is it provides them with plenty of time to consider what will happen to their soul should they end up succumbing to their cancer trial. The bible has an amazing story to tell about spiritual happiness. The bible says whoever believes in Jesus as their savior and Lord will have eternal life. John 3:16 tells us:
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life”
If you are a Christian who is facing a terminal cancer trial, John 3:16 promises you eternal life even you end up succumbing to your cancer trial. In other words, John 3:16 promises all who are in Christ that your soul will live forever even if the cancer takes your life. Ultimately, this biblical promise will bring the Christian great joy, which is how the bible defines spiritual happiness. John 15:11 tells us:
“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full”
Holly ends her post with “til we meet again”. I am not sure what she meant by that statement as she does not offer any explanation of what she is referring to here. Unfortunately, so many people have the world view that if you are a good person, you will somehow earn your way into heaven. As we discovered in the preceding bible verses which I referenced, the bible tells us that only those who are in Christ are granted eternal life.
I did some research on Holly and could not find anything written which talked about her faith in Christ. All of the articles I read about her were written after she passed away, and many of those articles quoted her family members, including her brother Dean Butcher. Unfortunately, her family did not mention anything about her Christian faith in any of the articles which I read about her. Only God knows what ultimately happened to Holly Butcher, but her story is a stern reminder to all of us that life is precious and short, and we need to have a plan for the eternal destiny of our souls so we can confidently say “til we meet again”.
Holly’s advice will be helpful for anyone who reads it to consider and perhaps apply to their lives. I am a two-time cancer survivor and I have had the humbling privilege of ministering to hundreds of cancer patients for over 14 years. Like Holly, my cancer trials have taught me so much about life and have caused me to realize that it is fragile, precious, and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. Like Holly, my cancer trials have brought my own mortality to the forefront of my mind. Like Holly, I have observed that death is feared, that it is a taboo topic, and that people are ignorant to its inevitability. Because it is such a taboo topic to discuss, so many people are woefully unprepared to face death when they find out their cancer is terminal. Death is the scariest life event any of us will ever face in our lives which is why so many people do not take the time to say goodbye as they just do not know what to say or how to respond to it when it comes knocking on their door via a terminal cancer trial. Over the past 14 years, I have seen so many people with terminal cancer struggle with if or how they can conquer death that I decided to start writing these blog posts to point out what the bible has to say about this taboo topic.
Holly hit the nail on the head with so many of her 26 points but she missed THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE which needs to be addressed when considering your own mortality which is what happens to your soul when you die. Therefore, if I were somehow able to add some additional life advice to Holly’s Facebook post, I would add a 27th "life advice" point as follows:
27. The Christian can conquer a terminal cancer trial because the bible says whoever believes in Jesus as their savior and Lord will have eternal life
There is a lesson to be learned here which is we need to talk to our friends and loved ones about this 27th point. As Holly pointed out in her post, death is feared, and people are ignorant to its inevitability so talking to terminal cancer patients about the salvation which only Christ can give them with hope for their hopeless situation.
If I were to summarize my observations here in two words, those two words would be “Control” and “Christ”. Yes, the two C’s will either provide the terminal cancer patient with eternal hope or will be a stumbling block for being able to confidently say “til we meet again”. If you are like Holly and are facing a terminal cancer trial, have you trusted in Christ as your Lord, Savior and King? If you do trust in Him, you do not need to fear death as you can spend eternity with Christ in Paradise.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)
Jim Risk, a two-time cancer survivor, is the volunteer Ministry Coordinator for the Cancer Support Group (CSG) at a non-denominational church in NE Ohio. Jim and his wife, Kristina, have participated and served in CSG, a Christian ministry, since 2007.
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